THE SHAKIEST HEAD IN THE WEST (and in the central and eastern zones)

Submitted by Scott Duhamel on Tuesday, October 06, 2009 - 8:54 pm

Is there a more Pavolian sound known to the American public than the ching-chang of TV’s Law & Order? Like most of our huddled-in-front-of the-TV-glow masses, I have watched every permutation of the show and its respective spin-offs endlessly, aimlessly, and inordinately.

I’ve watched squirrelly Mikey Moriarty, Deer Hunter schlub George Dzunda, cool daddy Jerry Orbach, pin-up boy Benjie Bratt, and Chicago toughy Dennis Farina all go through their paces, artfully tossing ironic one-liners and arching their eyebrows over so many stiffs that they could be laid side-buy-side in two Superdomes.

Still, when all is said and done, I can never remove my eyes from the one-and-only spooky tooth ongoing Televised Performance Art (no joking matter) courtesy of Vincent D’Onofrio as Detective Robert Goren in Law & Order: Criminal Intent. And now, the latest sad, bad, television news—this will be D’Onofrio’s last season in action, as the USA network smarties have acceded the full position to Jeff Goldblum’s (the duo had been alternating episodes) more predictable, sleeve-tugging hijinx.

D’Onofrio, who responsible for two outstandingly memorable high wire acts, as Private Pyle in Stanley Kubrick’s 1987 Full Metal Jacket, and as John Lange (aka the guy stuck in the subway tracks) in Homicide: Life on the Street’s justifiably infamous 1997 episode “The Subway.” Vincent (you just couldn’t call this guy Vinnie) D is full tilt boogie out-of-control as he bends and dips and shakes his big rock-like head throughout each week’s newest crime. He out-tics Christopher Walken, out-lip-licks Marlon Brando, out-barks Al Pacino, out-stage-whispers Jack Nicholson, out-eyebrow-furrows Judd Nelson, out-grimaces Bruce Dern, out –herky-jerks Johnny Depp, out-pantomimes Harold Lloyd, out-eye- pops Klaus Kinski, and he does it all in the downright strangest, scariest, self imploding, self-contained way possible, all the while reducing his melted Barbie Doll partner Kathryn Erbe to the straightest of straight man, making her so unnecessary she could be replaced with a blank screen filled up with her simple, responsive dialogue.

Watching Mr. D, I have managed to develop my own personal exercise program, and because of it I’m getting into Charles Atlas-like shape. When he tilts over sideways I tilt, when he whips his big neck around I whip, when he points his thick elongated figures I point, when he drops another thoroughly inappropriate bit of gesticulation into his L&O dialogue I gesticulate, when his ever clear eyes bead up or pop out I bead and pop right with my man.

If you dig acting, exercise, or glazed ham please tune in one of the innumerable reruns, or quickly jump on the hurly burly bandwagon for D’Onofrio’s last season hurrah. It’s a small screen guarantee that you’ll be absolutely unable to turn out, off, or away from: The One and Only The Shakiest Head in the West.

Vincent D'Onofrio as Private Pyle in Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket right before he decides to blow his brains out

PHOTO COURTESY OF Dummie Funnies

Bookmark/Search this post with:

This was one of the most

Submitted by Anonymous on Sunday, October 11, 2009 - 2:08 pm.

This was one of the most entertaining pieces I've ever seen about Vincent, I laughed my ass off, and, I hope you don't mind my sharing, put it on my blog site: http://nantzeefantzeepantz.blogspot.com/ (Vinnie Vidi Vici). You captured every nuance of Bobby Goren to a "t" and I can tell you are a real fan. We the fans are outraged at NBCU's recent decisions to change their USA Network to a lighter fare of programming and my answer to that has been to come up with the idea of sending jars of "Fluff" to the execs as a symbolic gesture that they can keep "stuff their fluff". We have been involved in a writing campaign and also have a petition available for fans to sign: http://www.gopetition.com/online/31034.html. We feel that a terrible disservice has been made to the cast and to the loyal fans in letting go of Vincent, Katie and Eric. Come to find it's all about the money, an insider present at a recent meeting of NBCU informs us that the actors were offered a 1/2 cut in salary. Bottom line is that once the major players of LO: CI are gone, so are we, and, accordingly, the ratings. Those fans that wish to participate in the campaign to voice your displeasure please go to: http://savinggorenandeamesnow.blogspot.com/
http://savinggorenandeamesnow.com/
http://twitter.com/saveGorenEames

http://savinggorenandeamesnow

Submitted by Anonymous on Thursday, October 08, 2009 - 12:14 am.

http://savinggorenandeamesnow.blogspot.com
http://savinggorenandeamesnow.com
http://twitter.com/saveGorenEames

NO GOREN & EAMES = NO LAW AND ORDER CRIMINAL INTENT

Vincent D'Onofrio is unique!

Submitted by Anonymous on Thursday, October 08, 2009 - 2:10 pm.

Vincent D'Onofrio is a brilliant and unique actor and this scares the shallow-minded, lightweight bigwigs to death! He has created an irreplaceable character in Det. Robert Goren and now the aforementioned bigwigs have just signed a mass suicide pact by removing his charismatic prescence from LOCI.

I will no longer watch the show because without Vincent D'Onofrio it will no longer be LOCI, but just another failed sitcom that Jeff Goldblum has failed to carry. As if anyone would take the sexless Goldblum over our sexy Teddy Bear,Bobby Goren!

I do disagree with the observations re Kathryn Erne's contribution to the show. Her narky comments and ability to bolster Det. Goren's strengths and balance his flaws adds greatly to the show.But I'm not surprised by the comments since Dr. Watson was often under-appreciated due to the quirky brilliance of his friend, Sherlock Holmes.

I just hope that Vincent D'Onofrio makes some more mainstream movies as those independent films are often hard to find.